The Boxed Chicken Caesar

It is surely an act of optimism to order a boxed chicken caesar salad.

Yes it's in a box, but there's a backup for every feature you hope for: you want crunch, there's both lettuce and croutons; for fresh, the lettuce again, and also the lemon wedges you can squeeze onto it; for tang, even if the parmesan cheese and dressing fail, there's still that lemon!

And yet, that optimism will surely be crushed. It's not really parm, is it? And the lettuce is too cold still. And the chicken, okay, it is breast meat, but how does it not just lack flavor, but pull flavor from all the other ingredients? It's black hole, but for flavor. You lost.

Next time you're on Amtrak, get the hot dog, unless you are somehow lucky and they aren't out of chowder.

— gorf, on a train